Sure he's 15, but it's still a bit uncomfortable :)

Me: Tom, guess what Andrew got a 100 on today?
Tom: What?
Me: His health quiz on contraception.
Tom: Oh that's a relief.
Andrew: Actually it was just an assignment. The real test is tomorrow.
Me: No, let's all hope the real test is much, much later and that you pass :)

Changes on the horizon

With all that's happened the past year, I'm really starting to question my priorities and goals in life. What am I doing? Where am I going? What Should I be doing with my life?

I've prayed about my decisions. My current situation leaves me little time or energy for my family, both my immediate and extended family. I have neglected my friends. I have very little relationship with my husband anymore. Something has to give.

I am applying for another nursing position. I like my job but I am frustrated with the time commitment. I always thought I would love an 8-5 Monday through Friday job, but I guess my life only works on weekend nights. If I stay in school, I can keep in touch with my job through an RA position. If I don't, maybe I can still stay parttime.

I am seriously thinking of leaving school. I have never struggled with school, but ever since last summer it's been nothing but a struggle. It takes so much time and effort to get things done, and my kids need me more than ever. I used to be one of the top students, and now I'm struggling to do anything. What's more, I had very little exposure to the faculty before my life fell apart last summer. So all they know is this disorganized mess of a girl who just can't do anything right. I sent out an email in February saying that I was struggling and might drop a class or two, but that would endanger my residency.

The sad thing is, I would have been almost through with classes by last summer if we had stayed in Texas. Who knows, something else might have happened, but I am just wondering if God wants me to move in a different direction. I feel like I am wading through jello when I used to be jogging on the beach.

I've heard that brick walls are put in place to make us see how badly we want something. So what does it mean when we have multiple brick walls? In the last year I have lost a lot:
- the last person who loved me unconditionally (my Papa)
- the relationship with my father who is still alive, but not able to communicate. He didn't want me to do the doctorate.
- the relationship with my mother who is the full caretaker of my father.
I feel like I have lost my entire family. My parents were not the type that I could really go to with my problems, but I feel that possibility is gone forever now.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about all this. My husband and I have grown apart. We don't see each other anymore and we talk even less. I can't remember the last time we had time to talk about anything without kids bursting in. We still love each other and care about each other, but he's struggling with a difficult job as well. Something needs to give.

My friend from church who died left behind two small children. I know that she would do anything to be with them just one more day. So why the hell am I sacrificing my family for a career? Especially since I am so dissatisfied and discouraged with school?

So at least the job, and probably the PhD program, are about to change. I love school, I love my topic, and I love my classmates. But something needs to give.

Update on Debbie

I just found out my friend Debbie passed away tonight. Even though we were getting regular updates, it's hard to face the fact that she is gone. She was one of those people who were always so positive and such a wonderful influence. She always had a lot of energy and you always knew when she was around. She was also our vet and she took good care of our puppies.
It is such a shock that she could be gone so quickly. Her initial diagnosis was only in November and her prognosis was always pretty good. It's only been in the last month that she had really gone downhill and that has happened so quickly.
Please keep her family in your prayers. Her children are far too young to realize what is really happening.

Big Time Prayer Request

I have a friend from church, Debbie, who has been battling cancer. I've emailed people with this prayer request, but I don't think I've blogged about it. She had surgery and then radiation and was given a clean bill of health in April. About a week later she started having problems with back pain. She went in for a scan and found that she had metastasis to the spine. Since then, she's had spots show up on her liver and lungs, despite receiving chemotherapy.

She is a wonderful person - someone who always has time for others and never complains. It is hard to see anyone go through something like this but especially someone as giving as her. To make things worse, she is about my age and has two young children (ages 4 and 7).

Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. She needs all the help she can get!

My tornado experience

I was discussing my tornado experience with a friend the other night and I happened upon this news footage of the tornado's after-effects.

In 1994 I lived in Cedar Hill. My best friend from college was giving a recital in Waco, so I drove down to visit her. Afterwards I drove home up I-35.

I heard the whole way about storms hitting the Dallas area and I saw a lot of tremendous lightning. It was really beautiful. I didn't hit any rain until I was in Waxahachie. As I approached Red Oak (where my inlaws lived), the rain intensified and then suddenly stopped. It was VERY still. I decided for some strange reason to go by and visit the inlaws. Bear in mind, those are the same people I've mentioned before on this blog, so it's strange that I would want to just drop in and see them. As I was crossing over I-35, I noticed some strange white clouds to the north.

When I arrived at their house, they told me that a tornado had hit at I-35 and Beltline road, which is where I usually exited to get to Cedar Hill. I wasn't scared to drive to their house, but it was REALLY scary driving home after that. I had to stay a while because there were more storms heading through. Then I had to make my way home rather carefully because of all the downed power lines.

This was such a terrible storm. It really devestated Lancaster (most of the areas you're seeing are neighborhoods) and the town square was especially hard hit.

Luckily, that's my only close encounter with a tornado so far!