An open letter to President George W. Bush

Dear Mr. President,

I have been a supporter of some of your policies and a detractor of others. I was excited about your presidency at first because I thought you did a downright swell job as governor of Texas. Even with the whole death row executions thing. But now, I feel I need to speak out on one of the most heinous proposals that your administration is behind.

For a few years, I've heard about the idea of drilling into Alaska for oil. This was supposedly going to take place in a wildlife refuge, which was quite a quandary for me. It's a refuge for a reason. And with all the global warming sequelae starting to hit us, now is not the time to be playing God with God's creatures. Especially cute furry ones like the Panda bear and baby seals.

But tonight on the news, I heard a much more ominous report. This administration is tricking us all. They are not drilling into the wildlife refuge, but into a REFUGEE!!!!!

Now I know that foreign policy just isn't your strong point, but come on. What have these refugees done to us? Why should we commit the cruel and unusual task of drilling into them.

When I was watching the news tonight, I was surprised, amazed, and alarmed to find that the teenage intern repeatedly stated that we were considering drilling into the refugee. The Alaskan refugee. Alaskans are Americans and they deserve all the same rights as those of us who reside in the contiguous American states. What's next, drilling Hawaiian refugees?

Or maybe the chickee just mispronounced refuge about 5 times in a row. No, that can't be right. She's obviously one of the news interns from the University of Missouri. Home of one of the nation's most prestigious journalism schools. Most of these kids are rather stale in their presentation, and tend to shuffle paper like they're generating a new form of energy, but there's no way that she could have mangled that word and no one caught it, right?

Oops... Maybe I was too quick to judge. And maybe we REALLY need to get cable again. Because you don't get shit like that on CNN! But it does remind me of the movie Anchorman - so Stay Classy, Columbia ;)